^{Happy Friday & Welcome to} 🌿 ^{NOURISHED, a weekly newsletter to help women over 40 re-prioritize themselves so they can feel healthier, stronger, more present, and confident. I share personal stories and experience, wellness, fitness, and Perimenopause advice specific to women over 40. Was this sent to you? Subscribe here}

A Peek Inside:

• A brutal truth

• When goals challenge your identity

• Q+A

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A Brutal Truth

I’ll just say it.

People will have opinions about your growth.

Some people will say “cool, cool, happy for you.” While others will act like you’ve personally betrayed them by evolving.

Here’s what you need to remember:

Some relationships are built for growth and some for stasis. And you’re not responsible for their [lack of] capacity for change or bringing them with you.

People will figure out how to relate to the new you, and if they can’t, they were probably holding you back anyway.

You don’t need to apologize for outgrowing situations, relationships, or old versions of yourself.

To quote my horoscope:

Don’t take it personally when people freak out about you changing. Their discomfort is about their own resistance to change, not about you doing something wrong.

Here’s what I know about change:

• only action can lead to change

• change is hard and that’s ok

• reminding yourself why you want to change is key

• realistically meeting yourself where you are is important

• True change requires planning. intention and attention.

Permission to be Inconsistent

I know, I know. I’ve told you over and over again that consistency is the answer.

And it is, but it also isn’t. 🫠 

Knowing who you are (or want to be) is really important when you are attempting behavior change. (my 1:1 clients know what I’m talking about)

You’ll hear me and other coaches tout how much humans love routine and consistency.

But in order to change, you must also be inconsistent. Stay with me.

You’ll need to take action in a way that is inconsistent with…

• previous behavior patterns

• what people expect from you

• various parts of your identity

You weren’t someone who exercised… until you were.

You were the party girl… until you weren’t.

You always had stomach issues… until you didn’t.

Identifying your goal is great, but you also need to identify the actions you need to take to reach it.

And here’s where it can get sticky.

→ Embarking on a journey to change, or setting a new goal, will organically ask you to be inconsistent with some parts of who you were and/or what you believed. The actions and behaviors you will have to adopt to reach that goal can often contradict parts of your identity and/or values.

In order to change, you have to “outgrow” yourself.

You can easily get derailed by ignoring this little detail. For example:

• It’s hard to do a 20-minute workout. It’s a lot harder if you believe that workout means you’re a bad mom for letting your kids watch tv while you do it.

• It’s hard to decline alcohol at the holidays. It’s a lot harder if you believe that your friends and family will think you’re “no fun" or that you never “let loose” anymore.

Remember → True change requires planning. intention and attention. So, you need to intentionally link your goals to your identity and values.

YOUR TURN

Take a look at your 1-3 month goal you’ve set:

Then, ask yourself…

• Which parts of me support this goal?

• Which parts of me oppose this goal?

• Which of my values support this goal?

• Which of my values does this goal not align?

If you find identity-goal conflict, or value-goal conflict, go deeper.

• Why do I think this conflict exists?

• Is there evidence to support this conflict?

• Are there situations where my goal and identities align?

• What are the benefits of these identities? What are the benefits of the goal? Do they overlap at all?

Stick around - next week, I’ll walk you through exactly how to approach a goal.

xo, Tara

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